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Hello friends,
We are continuing our series on listening — what it is, why we need to get better at it, the barriers to listening well, and ways to improve both our own listening and the listening of others around us.1
Today, we’re outlining three levels of listening — the non-listener, the passive listener, and the active listener.
Each of these levels is characterized by certain behaviors, which impact listening effectiveness. As you might imagine, active listening has the highest potential for full understanding, retention and more effective communication on the whole.
These levels are general categories, designed to help us understand how we listen. They often overlap or interchange depending on the situation. All of us listen at different levels throughout the day, as the circumstances and people around us change.
For example, it is difficult for most people to listen effectively:
in the midst of a highly stressful situation,
when they are dealing with emotional people,
when they are being criticized,
when they are being corrected, or
when they are feeling fearful, anxious, or angry.
Others listen very effectively when they are working or ministering, only to tune out when they arrive home.
Let’s look at the levels now, starting with
Level 3, Non-Listening.
The Non-Listener tunes in and tunes out.
He is somewhat aware of others, but mainly pays attention to himself and his own thoughts. He follows the discussion only enough to get a chance to talk. His listening is quiet, passive and unresponsive.
Such a listener will often fake attention, while thinking about unrelated matters, forming rebuttals, or preparing what he wants to say next. His aloofness may be displayed in his blank stare or his detached posture.
The next level is slightly better:
Level 2, Passive Listening.
The Passive Listener hears words but does not really listen.
He stays at the surface of the communication, never seeking to understand the deeper significance of what is being said. He may hear the words, but he makes little attempt to understand or to empathize with the speaker’s intention.
The Passive Listener tends to listen logically, and is more concerned for content than for feeling. He remains emotionally detached from the conversation. He receives information as though being talked at, rather than as an equal partner in the communication process. He assumes that the responsibility for the success of the communication is the speaker’s alone.
Such listening can lead to dangerous misunderstandings due to insufficient communication. At level 3, it is obvious that the person is not listening; however, at level 2, the speaker may have a false sense of being listened to and understood — only to find out later that the opposite is the case.
This is the listener about whom one of our trainers once said, “They agreed with the content of the teaching, but they did not do it.”
But neither of these levels rises to the power of
Level 1, Active Listening.
The Active Listener gives his full attention to listening when another is talking, and focuses on what is being said. He views communication from others as an opportunity to gather new and useful information, and so does not allow himself to be distracted. He is fully engaged and alert. He pays attention to the speaker’s total communication, including non-verbal, and he exercises much direct eye contact.2 His attention is evident in his posture or stance.
The active listener knows that specific words mean different things to different people and he does his best to understand the intended meaning of the speaker, even asking for clarification during the listening process.
At this level, the listener places himself in the other’s position, attempting to see things from their point of view. He is aware of his personal biases and attitudes, and suspends his own thoughts and feelings to give his attention solely to listening. He genuinely believes the speaker has something valuable to say, and attempts to listen from his heart with respect, understanding and empathy.
The Active Listener becomes directly involved in the communication process and will often restate or paraphrase the message back for the speaker to hear. In doing so, he gives feedback to the speaker concerning the clarity and accuracy of his message, and develops a deeper appreciation of what the other person is thinking and feeling.
Thus, active listening encourages a true dialogue between the two parties in which both accuracy and mutual validation are achieved.
The active listener not only listens to the speaker but he also listens to the inner voice of the Holy Spirit, who gives him insight into the speaker’s words and heart, and direction concerning how to respond.
The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. (Is. 50:4; cf. Is. 30:21)
So now that we’ve covered these levels, you might be asking,
Just How Effective Is My Listening?
Very few people spend most of their time listening at level 1. This level of attentiveness takes extra effort and care! To the contrary, most of us will listen at all three levels over the course of a day.
Consider an all-team meeting, covering a number of different topics. As a participant in this meeting, you are most likely operating on a passive level for part of it — those segments that are informational, where there is little application to you other than general knowledge. You may slip into non-listening when a section of the meeting relates to items that require the attention of other participants, but not you. And when you are called on to answer a question that relates to your area, or something that you are passionate about, your focus kicks in and you actively listen to the leader of the meeting.
However, the more we stretch ourselves to listen to our own leaders, our peers, and our followers at a strong Level 1, the more effective we will be as leaders.
We’ve created this free listening effectiveness inventory, as a way of assessing a leader’s active listening. Take a moment now, or set aside time sometime soon, to evaluate your own listening effectiveness using this tool.
Before we move on to assessing the results, let’s reorient ourselves. Because, as you may have concluded through our discussion,
Active Listening Is an Act of Love.
In our last issue, we looked at examples of God listening to us. The kind of sustained attention God gives to us — His active listening — demonstrates His love for us in a practical way. God hears your prayers. He listens to the desires of your heart. He knows your grief, anger, loneliness. He listens to you because He loves you! He is never passive, and He is always listening.
And we who have been transformed by His love, have the opportunity to actively listen to Him in turn!
One of the leaders in our trainings in East Asia described this mindset:
“From the beginning, I felt like I was right before God’s throne, sitting like Mary at Jesus’ feet. I was listening not with my ears, but with my heart. I felt so close to Him and didn’t want to miss a single lesson.”
This is how we are to approach God: with open ears, yes, but also with open hearts.
Like Mary at the feet of Jesus, lost in rapt attention to His words, so we are to come to God and listen actively, engage, focus in so that we do not miss what He wants to show us and tell us.
A Passive Listener might be more like the disciples in Mark 8, thinking only along the surface of what Jesus had been telling them. This is what happened there:
Now they had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat. And he cautioned them, saying, “Watch out; beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.” And they began discussing with one another the fact that they had no bread. And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” They said to him, “Twelve.” “And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” And they said to him, “Seven.” And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?” (Mark 8:15-21)
A Non-Listener, however, is not so much a confused disciple as he is a block of wood. Psalm 115:4-8 correlates the two when it says that the nations’ idols “have ears, but do not hear,” and that those who make these idols — who have turned away from the listening God of the universe — will “become like them.”
Our desire should be like that of one of our brothers in India:
“I want to have eyes like Jesus that were fixed on the Father, to have ears like Jesus that were always ready to hear what the Father had to say, and to have a heart like Jesus that always seeks to obey God.”
How Can We Apply This?
Take a look back at your listening effectiveness inventory:
What kind of listener are you?
Referring back to the specific practices mentioned in the inventory, what are your weakest listening skill areas? Pick at least three.
Give a specific example of how your listening skills have had a negative impact on your work or ministry performance or your relationships with others. What is an example of a time your listening had a positive impact?
What are your specific plans for improvement?
Let us know what you discover — and any of your experiences with the levels of listening on display in your life or ministry.
Recommended Resources
Book: Listening
Video Course: Transformational Thinking
For more resources, visit our website.
Much of what we’ll discuss in this series is rooted in Malcolm’s book, SpiritBuilt Leadership 12 — Listening.
The appropriateness of direct eye contact will vary from culture to culture.